it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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