If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
