today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
