I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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