now i know why i became what i already was.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
