I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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