I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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