is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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