Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
