therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Randomize
