just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
