Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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