We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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