Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
