My brain says no but my pants say off.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
