Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Please don't give away my fajitas
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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