Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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