she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
