Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
