Buhtt sex?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
