the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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