There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
