nut hugger
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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