Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
