Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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