3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
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