she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
