No awkward lesbian experiences without me
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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