The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
