i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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