the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
