pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
