I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
You are a genius and a whore.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
