if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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