yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
