I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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