I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
