Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I just cut my nipple shaving
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
