haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Randomize
