im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
