You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
