Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
