I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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