Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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