I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
