Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
