There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
