im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I wish you could order shots online.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
