You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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