You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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