I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
